Critical Warning: Mental Health Meltdown Imminent!!

Homer Simpson Meltdown
Ahhhhh!!! Wut do I do???

I’m so sorry, internet, but my mind is a freaking mess, no matter how hard I try to fix it. I haven’t been able to social media at all this past week… just focusing on work (busier than usual) and a neat IRL side project with an old college buddy (tight deadline on that one). My moods are all over the place: irrational rage, sadness, hopelessness, intense feelings of isolation, and my anxiety levels have been way over 9,000.

It’s a definite pattern with me. I’m on top of the world for a while, then I crash hard, push everyone away because it feels like they are pushing me away, feel lonely, feel bad about everything, feel really happy again… cycle repeats.

Anyway, detailed personal whining about the whys of what’s bugging me incoming. Feel free to ignore this post. I’ve hinted a bit about some medical things I’ve had going on lately, and this is the full lowdown now that my brain has finally snapped (again). I guess I just need to vent on the internet with this post. The important thing is that I didn’t delete myself from the internet this time. A definite improvement!

Reader discretion is also strongly advised since this post contains coarse language and depressing themes.

Commencing Public Venting…

giphy

So it all started last May after I snapped and deleted my old blog (details here). Shortly after that, a concerning vision issue started that has been getting progressively worse since then. Right now,ย  it’s making it hard for me to look at screens of any kind without having a freaking anxiety attack. All the enjoyable things in my life involve staring at screens (blogging, social media, video games, etc.) so… yeah. I also test cell phones for a living and that’s becoming quite challenging. My employment future is a huge concern if this keeps getting worse.

But yeah, the vision problem… it’s scary and strange. Kind of like a shimmering distortion thing just off the bottom left corner of my left eye’s visual field. It’s not as visible in dark lit areas, but as soon as I look at words against backgrounds on computer screens/cell phones (or go outside on a bright sunny day… or office florescent lighting… or my kitchen/bathroom), it’s quite freaking visible and fear-inducing. It has evolved to the point where it’s interfering with my ability to read words easily. It’s definitely getting worse, and it is much more visible than it was at the start. And did I mention it’s scaring the hell out of me? Because it is.

And for fuck’s sake, Canada’s awful healthcare system is failing me. I live in a poor province with abysmal wait times for everything and notoriously horrendous hospital ER conditions. I finally got to see an eye specialist a month after I went to my family doctor about this (I’m lucky to even have one of those here, by the way). He found nothing visibly wrong with my eyes so more testing. A visual field test proved that I am actually seeing this weird spot and it is affecting my visual field. That could be a relatively minor ailment, but my eye doctor wanted a brain MRI done to rule out worse things.

Dr. Nick
Actual photo taken outside of a Nova Scotia hospital… not really, but you’re gonna need booze to cope with the 12 hours of waiting to see a doctor in a hospital Emergency Department (maybe shorter if you’re actively dying more than everyone else).

My province’s MRI machines are always booked solid so I had to wait until August 2018 to get the scan done (at night and the poor MRI technicians were visibly overworked). Then I had to wait a week for my eye doctor to get the results. The MRI revealed several lesions on my brain that flagged me for Multiple Sclerosis (yikes), so my eye doctor passed me off to a neurologist… Oh! I should mention his office forgot to send the damn referral and I had to call to get it moved through. Yeah.

The neurologist did a checkup and she also tested my cognitive abilities (like timing how long it takes me to put pegs in a board… it was a nice throwback to the elementary school days). My vision problem isn’t consistent with the classic symptoms of opticย neuritis (usually the first noticeable symptom of MS). The lesions on my brain are mostly in areas where migraine suffers typically have them (I do get bad ones a few times a year), but there is a stray lesion in a weird area she can’t explain. She sent me for more testing since I wasn’t a “typical potential MS case” that she sees, including a lumbar puncture and a spinal cord MRI.

Those tests finally got done in November 2018 (I took the option of driving to a town 3 hours away for a shorter spinal cord MRI wait time)… I had to wait until the fucking beginning of February 2019 to get the results (they needed a lab on the other side of the country to do the lumbar puncture analysis since there’s none here in Nova Scotia). And I missed my first results appointment because the neurologist was sick and no one else at the damn clinic was authorized to give them to me.

But whatever. The results showed no conclusive evidence that I have MS (which is nice) but it’s still possible I could be “developing it”. I’ll get another brain scan in a year to see how my lesions are doing. I also have a list of MS symptoms to look out for and to contact the MS clinic if they show up. Yeah. Just waiting and wondering if those symptoms will show up (or if another lesion is going to happen in a worse place on my brain) is super fun and great for my sanity… And I’m still left with this progressively worsening and unexplained vision problem. The neurologist told me to contact my eye doctor if the vision issue gets worse.

Yep. It got worse… back to the eye doctor! Well, I’m trying. I made an appointment two weeks ago (he did apparently want to see me again without me calling, but they forgot about that until I called them). I finally get to see him again on April 8 (he was on vacation). I’ll have another visual field test done (to see if it is actually getting worse) and another test that looks at the back of my eye. I have to pay $80 out of pocket for the latter test in Canada’s so-called “free” healthcare system. The test is not covered in Nova Scotia or by my work insurance plan, apparently. I both can’t wait for and am dreading the results of that appointment.

Oh, and by the way, there are no second opinions in Nova Scotia. You’re lucky to get to see one freaking specialist with the critical doctor shortage we have going on here.

Preimer Stephen McNeil Doctor Shortage
My province’s Honorable Premier has proven to be a horribly incompetent idiot.

My brain has never been the best at processing sensory inputs (I’ve been reading a lot of psychology books lately… sorry). Ever since I can remember, I’ve had visual snow syndrome where I always see a constant thin layer of what I can best describe as TV static over everything. I also have permanent ringing in both of my ears, again, ever since I can remember. Also, constant tingling in my hands and feet… Luckily, these problems have been with me for my whole life so they don’t cause me too much distress. I was a teenager before I realized these are not normal things.

Visual Snow
I’ve always seen the world around me like this. For more information on visual snow, check out The Visual Snow Foundation. It’s a rare condition not many doctors are aware of, and not much research has been done on trying to cure it, but you aren’t alone if you have it!

All this medical drama is on top of mental health issues that are bringing me to my knees currently. But wait… those brain lesions of mine might be affecting my mental health too, right? I’m barely keeping it together for work now, and I’m a train wreck once I clock out for the day.

Thankfully, I have an excellent therapist now who is working with me to figure out the root cause of my social dysfunction, depression, mood, and anxiety issues that I’ve been struggling with my whole life. Took almost a year to get her help (after I finally got brave enough to ask for help), but she’s awesome. That support is great, but not timely as the appointments are months apart. I can’t describe how much of a mess I am right now. I feel so alone. Very few friends IRL, just my aging parents (who I don’t want to worry so I can’t talk to them about this stuff) and cats for family, and no other half to lean on for support. It’s so, so hard dealing with everything alone in reality.

SOS

At least in the online world, this blogging community has been a wonderful place to connect with cool humans. I’ve made several awesome friends here so thank you all for everything. It’s really hard for me to look at screens right now without wanting to curl up into a ball and sob uncontrollably. Hopefully soon I will find out what’s wrong with my vision and can get my anxiety back under control. Everyone I’ve met online is so supportive and I really, really appreciate that. I just go into isolation mode when things start getting to me. In that state, I don’t feel comfortable talking to anyone except my two closest friends.

Loading angry rant to Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and Nova Scotia Premier Stephen McNeil….

Both of you need to get your fucking shit together. Stop wasting millions of dollars on pretty photo ops and fixing up ferry terminals in Maine, USA (another rant) and start fixing this goddamn mess of a healthcare system. People are dying, hospitals are literally falling apart, and people are going through hell on stupidly long waiting lists. Do something. Anything!

The current “free” system in this country (read: regionally inconsistent mandatory health insurance plan) doesn’t fucking work, especially in poor provinces like Nova Scotia with higher percentages of retired older people who need more healthcare and aren’t paying into the system. Doctors and dollars don’t grow on damn trees.

If you don’t believe there’s a medical crisis happening in Nova Scotia right now, pull your heads out of your pointless political asses and pay the fuck attention to your people’s suffering:

And way too many more horrific examples. Including this personal one: My college professor died because of a brain tumor removal surgery that didn’t have proper sterilization processes. The surgery went fine. An infection afterward killed him. He was one of the kindest and most amazing humans to grace this messed up planet.

Mental Health Levels Stabilizing….

Homer Simpson Meltdown 2
The alarms are still going off around me. I’m learning how to cope with them better.

If anyone read all this, thank you. I feel a lot better after writing this public personal rant post. My drama has been weighing on my mind for a long time, and I’m really tired of bugging my two closest friends with my problems all the time (you know who you are if you’re reading this and thank you for helping me so much).

My life’s not all bad, either. I’ve been trying to force myself do more things out in the real world to take my mind off things. I’m physically in good shape minus the vision problem and fighting with fatigue (likely from depression). I walk at least 35 km a week, spend 30 minutes on my elliptical a day, and lift weights 3 times a week, which helps me with battling this incredible fear that I’m dying alone and/or going blind. Sigh.

Things could be better. Things could definitely be worse. Everything is what it is. We all have our own paths through this life. We can only navigate them as best we can. I’m definitely much better at dealing with my drama than I used to be. That’s something I can be proud of at least.

“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.” – Carl Jung

“When thinking about life, remember this: No amount of guilt can solve the past, and no amount of anxiety can change the future.” – Unknown

โšกThanks for reading!โšก

If for some odd reason you want to read more of my posts, you can find a somewhat organized (and usually up to date) archive of my ramblingsโ€ฆ I mean, articlesย here!

Published by

LightningEllen

I'm a wannabe writer and an avid video gamer with a slight (okay, maybe extreme) Amiibo addiction. I'm from the coastal province of Nova Scotia in Canada, eh. When I'm not gaming, I have a steady job thing I have to go to. It pays for the gaming thing though. :)

67 thoughts on “Critical Warning: Mental Health Meltdown Imminent!!”

  1. Thats some serious stuff i can’t imagine how hard it is to deal with, you’re one of the funniest most genuine people I’ve had the pleasure of talking to I wish I had a rl friend like you I hope you get some good news about your health issues soon.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, dude. I’m sorry for the late reply. Needed to go silent there for a bit. You are one of the most awesome people I’ve met online! I wish I had an awesome IRL friend like you. Internet friends for life, yo ๐Ÿ™‚

      Like

  2. Definitely good that they didn’t find anything that definitively states you have MS. Way better to have it just be a possibility than a certainty. Even if that does happen since you’re catching all of this early that should help. I hope they’re able to help fix your eye issue as well and that ultimately this keeps you in a healthier state. The fitness/weights is definitely great as well both for your body and mind. You’re definitely having a difficult time now, but it’s always darkest before the light shines through and I’m sure you’ll have those brighter times ahead. Best of luck with everything!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It’s so awful to hear how much you’re struggling with all this, but I can totally understand everything you’re feeling and why you’re so frustrated. I know our health care system is by no means perfect but this is sounding exceptionally bad compared to what we have in Ontario at least. There are still long wait times here, but there are more doctors and if you’re willing to travel, at least you can go and get a second opinion. I’m so sorry about everything that’s happening to you. If there’s anything at all that I can do to help, whether it’s give you any information about options available in this province or even support you financially to seek medical care out of province, I’d be happy to toss in some support for that. There’s no reason why you should be having so much trouble getting answers. Sending you all my best hugs. I’m always, always here if you ever need to talk about this.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for the kind words and support. That means a lot! I didn’t get any answers from my latest eye appointment but at least my therapy sessions are making good progress now (my therapist is awesome). And I am at least being monitored by my eye doctor and neurologist. Just waiting for something to potentially happen is taking a toll on my mind state. And I’m seriously considering leaving Nova Scotia if the healthcare situation doesn’t improve after the next provincial election… Ontario’s system definitely sounds much better. Sorry for the late reply. I needed a break from everything for a bit.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I am so sorry you’re going through all of this; I hope that they can fix your vision and figure out your lesions! I commend you for having the courage to share everything you’ve been through. I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers! โค

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m truly sorry to hear about all of this, and all my thoughts and hugs go out to you. I’m sorry to hear the health care system is the way it is, and all I could ask for is that somehow, someway, you can get everything you need for your health, for your vision, for everything. I also want you to know that you’re such an awesome person that doesn’t deserve to go through this pain and suffering. I’m so happy you shared this. I’ll definitely be thinking about you and hoping for the best.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I can’t really imagine how tough things are for you right now. It sounds overwhelming and totally crap. I have no idea how to offer help with the physical health stuff, but for the mental health things, please keep reaching out to your friends when you can, whether it be those of us in the online community or those close friends in person. In my experience, it was particularly important to make sure I had a strong community of friends around me as my parents got older so I had people to turn to when stuff went wrong as it sounds it is for you.

    I can’t speak for anyone else, but I am always here for you to vent/talk things through with if you want. I know we’ve had very limited interactions on WordPress and they haven’t been for a while, but if a random from Australia is the right person to talk to, hit me up on Twitter or here, or I can give you my Discord.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much! And sorry for the late reply. I really appreciate your understanding. Random people from Australia sound awesome actually. ๐Ÿ™‚ I’ll shoot you a DM on Twitter with my Discord info when I’m over there again. Thankfully, I’m in regular therapy now which has been quite helpful during all this. Maybe when I get my social issues sorted out I can create a support circle of friends in reality one of these days. Internet friends can be true friends too, though.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Sorry I don’t have anything to offer other than some emotional support from this random internet weirdo, but here you go. This is a lot of horrible things to be going through, and you have my empathy for that. I’m really glad you’re connected with a therapist, because that’s one area of daily life too often ignored, especially with all the other health stuff going on. I feel for you.

    Stay strong.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! I’m not going to lie, emotional support from random internet friends like you (not “weirdo”) means the world to me. Therapy has been super helpful with all this. I never realized how badly I needed that professional support until I finally got it.

      Like

  8. Thatโ€™s pretty rough. Iโ€™m glad youโ€™re getting therapy help at least! Your healthcare system sounds a lot like the NHS over here – wonderful in theory, but chronically underfunded by overpaid politicians with no understanding of what makes it work!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. That’s some pretty rough stuff, you got going on. Sorry to hear that but I’m glad you’re getting therapy help! Your healthcare system sounds a lot like the healthcare here in America just worse, of course. Over here, you have to pay trillions of dollars just for cancer therapy which will make you go broke or homeless, even. Our politicians have no idea of how healthcare should be implemented, they talk the big talk and some have good ideas but we all know that those ideas will never be set in motion because this country is run by corporations and we all know America loves corporations!

    Anyways, I hope you get better. Stay strong, pal ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m not sure who gets the award of worst healthcare system. Here people die on wait lists, there people die because they can’t afford the price tag, it sounds like ๐Ÿ˜ฆ Governments everywhere seriously need to make healthcare a priority. Thanks for the support, dude.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. People tend to go broke here because of the price of how healthcare has risen which means also cancer treatment. I had a friend who went bankrupt because he couldn’t afford his cancer treatment so he had to move back in with his parents, he sadly passed away but the point still stands that something needs to change within both of our governments. No problem! If you need someone to talk, I am always here to listen! ๐Ÿ™‚ *thumbsup emoji*

        Liked by 1 person

  10. I’m so sorry to hear about all of this. All my thoughts, love and anything good are being sent your way. I’m glad you have an awesome therapist. Keep talking to them about all this. I hope the doctors can figure out what is going on and give you some more information.

    If you need someone to chat to I’m here (but I know screens etc are not helpful so that might not be the best but the offer still stands).

    Liked by 1 person

  11. “Iโ€™m on top of the world for a while, then I crash hard, push everyone away because it feels like they are pushing me away, feel lonely, feel bad about everything, feel really happy againโ€ฆ cycle repeats.”

    As a fellow isolationist when mental health things get bad, this cycle resonates with me quite a bit. Learning to break it is slow going and difficult. I’m glad to hear that therapy seems to be helping so far, and my hope for you is that you are able to reach a place of steady happiness with a consistent support system regardless of what’s happening with your medical situation.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. From the tweets I caught from you on Twitter, I could definitely relate to your struggles as well. Us and our Dittos totally got this, haha. Thank you! If you ever need someone to talk to about your issues, my DM box on Twitter is always open. ๐Ÿ™‚

      Like

  12. So sorry to hear that you’re going through all of this. That is a LOT for one person to handle. I hope you get answers ASAP.
    I’m always interested in hearing about the Canadian Healthcare system. I asked one of my Canadian GR friends about it before and he said it really wasn’t bad since they were establishing more pop-up clinics with nurses to treat acute issues. But, I want to say he’s from Winnipeg? So it’s interesting to hear that it might vary by location.
    We can’t afford health insurance currently. Either through my husband’s work (I work at a small business that can’t afford insurance for it’s employees) or the Affordable Care Act. Either way we slice it, they want us to pay $600-$700 per month, with a $13,000 deductible. Currently, we’re hoping we just keep staying relatively healthy or only have to go to urgent care if absolutely necessary.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! It hasn’t be the best experience but I’m coping with everything better now. Healthcare standards vary from province to province in Canada (the federal government downloads the costs to the provincial level). Where I live is an economically poorer province with a high older population who needs more access to health care. That’s a bad combo for our system. Things are definitely better in other Canadian provinces. I’m considering moving….

      Sounds like things are bad on your end too. Wow…. I can’t imagine having to pay that per month. Sending good healthy vibes to you and your husband!

      Liked by 1 person

  13. Man, I though the health system here was bad. Look like both of our countries are going to shit(fucking Brexit and Article 13).

    March has probably been the most crazy month I have had, so I can relate to this. Let’s try and get out of this together!

    Hope things get better for you Ellen!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. A comment seems so insignificant; but for what it’s worth, hang in there! It sounds like you’re doing a darn good job of processing all of this complex and difficult stuff so keep doing what you’re doing. Focus on those positive bits and if you need to rant then rant away – no need to apologise. Whilst I only know you through the blogging community, I can say that you’re an excellent member of it, so if there’s anything I can do (even if you just want to vent to someone not in your day to day life) then just let me know.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. I am so sorry you are having to go through all of that craziness healthwise and having to navigate a system that sounds unable to be of much help. It all sounds scary and I think wanting to vent makes a lot of sense with such a stressful ordeal.

    I’m in the U.S. and after caring for my father in hospice and having to constantly fight with the system to give proper care to my ASD son, I totally feel you!! I have to tell you the reason I started following your blog is that I could relate to so much of your writings. Then I found out you are an INFJ too. Then I was like, “I’d want to hang out with this person and get coffee.” (If I was more social and we lived closer, but you’re an INFJ so you probably know what I’m talking about. I mean I just thought about deleting this because I’m not sure if that will make sense.)

    I am sorry you are having to deal with all of that. I’m rooting for you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! Venting on the internet and getting all these supportive comments really means the world to me ๐Ÿ™‚

      Sounds like you’re in a rough situation over there. Sending many good vibes! I don’t think I’ve ever met another INFJ in reality now that I think about it. I would love to try to be brave enough to grab a coffee with you if we ever had a chance to meet in reality one of these days, haha.

      Take care, eh.

      Liked by 1 person

  16. Totally missed this post, WordPress hasn’t been sending me emails for blogs I follow.
    Hope you’re doing okay, that’s a lot of stress ๐Ÿ˜ฆ Vision problems are terrifying. I had sparkling white lights at the corner of my eye once and no cause could be found either. Thankfully it improved with time, and hopefully yours will too. Hope you got on okay at the eye doctor, and take care of yourself ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. WordPress has been so glitchy for me too lately. Thank you for the kind words! I didn’t get many answers from my eye doctor, but at least there’s nothing obviously wrong at this time. Gotta stop worrying about stuff! Life’s short ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  17. You’re welcome ๐Ÿ™‚ Shame you didn’t get many answers, though that seems to happen a lot with doctors! You’re right though, gotta stop worrying. That in itself can sometimes make symptoms worse: Like my constant ear ringing, when I think about it, it’s a nightmare!

    Liked by 1 person

  18. I’ve been diagnosed as bipolar and I’ve found Depakote works best for me. I take a time-released version. It keeps the hot side hot and the cold side cold… to take a McDonald’s reference…

    Liked by 1 person

  19. You ever just feel like a poorly built robot that some sadist decided to give human emotions? UGH. Here in the good ole US we have a “grass is always greener” syndrome love affair with Trudeau, because comparatively…but really we all need to stop thinking like that. Yes, lesser than two evils is better, but a half-shit sandwich still stinks. And the worst is the powerlessness. You have to rely on “medical professionals” who have no clue what’s really going on. I don’t know if this is more common because our generation is not willing to take this quietly (think of the prior generation’s “shut up and deal” mentality that we’ve thoroughly rejected and I’m here for that) nor should we.

    It almost does sound like you’re in the beginning stages of MS :\ Not that I’m physician and we’ve never even made physical contact *stretches furiously towards Nova Scotia* so I’m just going by description. It sounds like they’re holding off on a formal diagnoses until it gets worse? *wtf face* Or they’re hoping the symptoms stabilize, and they can say “NEXT.” I think the grass is dead everywhere and we should plant tulips. This is why we have such morbid senses of humor and no one old understands that! If I say something like “Eh, I’m dying” I get sad/shocked looks.

    I’m glad venting helps. That’s what we’re here for!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. All the time…. what is even the point of this life and why am I here?? So many questions, haha. Trudeau actually has a lower approval rating than Trump, believe it or not. He’s not completely evil (like your orange tyrant). He’s just a pretty face who’s all talk, means well, but doesn’t have a fucking clue what he’s doing. Ahem.

      I feel so powerless and heartbroken but none of us are here forever. Gonna focus on things I enjoy, and not on whatever the hell is potentially wrong with me. Well, try to at least, haha.

      Thank you so much for the support!! You rock, my friend ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m impressed that Canadians understand that enough to NOT approve of him unlike we in these united states…over here there are still people who put him on a pedestal, but I’m seeing more critiques, which is good. I know the pipeline is a HUGE deal and people aren’t happy about that at all.

        I feel like it’s the Xer/millennial mantra to think “Huh, I’ll be dead in fifty years. THANK GOD.” On one hand we’re joking on the other hand, morbid humor and just humor in general is used as a placeholder for serious shit. I’m voting for the giant meteor in 2020…

        Glad we can at least be together while the whole planet burns *raises glass*

        Liked by 1 person

  20. I’m so sorry you’re going through all of that. โค That is definitely a lot so it's understandable to feel overwhelmed by all of it. I'm also sorry my response is so late. I was in a mental funk and kind of dropped off the face of the blogosphere for a while so I'm just seeing this post now.
    I'm really glad you found such a wonderful therapist, though! That's fantastic. I'm thinking about trying to find one but always seem to find excuses not to go through with it (which I always end up regretting later on). It's a weird cycle. lol
    And kudos to you for getting all of this off your chest. ๐Ÿ™‚ Venting is SO important. I truly hope things improve soon. You're such an awesome person and I'm glad our little blogs crossed paths. โค Here's to better days! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! Things are definitely going better now (at least until my mood crashes again… lolsob).

      It’s nice to see you back! I hope things are going better for you now. Finding a therapist is hard, but so worth it if you end up with a good one.

      And you’re awesome! Thank you again for the support ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  21. I hope things are starting to get better for you! It sucks to not feel your best and have no definitive explanation for what’s going on with you. I can relate to the shitty healthcare situation… I don’t have health insurance right now because 1. it’s too expensive and covers absolutely nothing when you try to buy an individual plan and 2. my employer promised us insurance at the beginning of the year and reneged on that offer. So I basically got screwed and am currently paying for everything out of pocket… it’s depressing! Just know that no matter what you are going through, you are never alone!! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you!! ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m so sorry to hear about your healthcare issues as well. I’ve heard some horror stories from other countries too. I can’t even imagine paying out of pocket. I’m wishing you all the best and I’m always here if I can don anything! Just wait until I win the lottery, haha.

      Liked by 1 person

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