Woot! I’m alive!! Sorry to disappoint the internet, but here I am with another website. Wait… I’m getting ahead of myself, as usual. Ahem.
Hello, internet world!
My username is LightningEllen and welcome to my third try at maintaining a blog! They say the third time is the charm and all that, but we’ll see I guess. If you remember me at all, or have heard of me before, you may possibly be thinking “What the hell happened and why did you suddenly disappear and delete your old WordPress blog?”
It’s, um, complicated and sorta hard to explain. Short answer is: I’m really, really good at sabotaging myself when I start to succeed at things. Hm. Perhaps looking into the past first will provide some clearer answers later in this post, so let’s explore my troubled blogging history, shall we?
LightningEllen’s Blogging History
Sept 2004 – Created a little user blog on GameSpot.com
The much more emotionally unstable 15-year-old me spent her breaks in high school alone in the school’s library. TL;DR version – I was the silent kid that mostly everyone hated on, and all the mean girl bullies attacked me ruthlessly for my entire elementary school career. By the teenage point of my life, I was a sad-angry monster who wanted nothing to do with anyone. I had also been through, like, two near death experiences and barely know my extended family for… reasons (all that messes a kid up, let me tell you).
The silly library dude saw me as an innocent quiet kid (FYI, quiet DOES NOT mean innocent) and didn’t monitor my computer time. Instead of using the internet for school related work (like it was only authorized to be used for) I started a blog on the big video game website GameSpot.com under the username (please, please don’t laugh): gamer_girl15 (sigh… you’re laughing and I know it). As if my old username wasn’t laughable enough, here is my very first blog entry, ever. Oh Maker, this is going be embarrassing but here it is (unedited… please, please keep that in mind):
Post Title: Grand Theft Auto San Andres
Post Date: Sept 7, 2004
Post Content: Is it here yet? The game looks so fun I cant wait!!!!! The bulldoser is gonna be so cool!!!! Come on october hurry up and be here!!!
Yup. That was it. Horrible spelling and excessive punctuation aside, it was at least to the point, right? And Grand Theft Auto San Andreas (note the spelling, past me) certainly lived up to my hype and it remains on my Top 13 Games of All-time list. Anyway, my posts quickly evolved, and for the first time ever, I was able to converse with a community of people I could relate to.
Nov 2010 – Last post on the GameSpot user blog.
Looking back, gamer_girl15 was sorta successful. She had nice following of 600+ people, but little did they know the cool gamer chick online was actually an ugly outcast mess offline (and yes, even though I was never interested in romance at any point in my life, I knew that being called gamer_girl15 in a teenage male dominated gamer community would certainly help with the ol’ follower count stat). I took a lot of several month long breaks over the years, but that cool community stayed with me into young adulthood.
What pushed me away completely, and finally, was the toxicity that started taking over the GameSpot community. I gave that website the final door slam when the big fiasco with Carolyn Petit happened. She was the woman who DARED to give Grand Theft Auto V a mere 9 out of 10, and had the nerve to state the game was a tiny bit chauvinistic in her review. The result wasn’t just passing trolls being mean idiots (and gosh, were the trolls ever sent in a frenzy). This was also large groups of enraged alpha males organizing themselves and actually petitioning GameSpot to get her fired. You know, to protect their precious video games from evil feminism and all that. Just… no words to describe how pissed off and horrified I was to see that kind of organized hatred toward a reviewer, just for giving their opinion on a video game.
Note: I did creep back later and noticed GameSpot gave the Wii U version Donkey Kong Tropical Freeze a 6 out of 10 for being “too hard”. Yeah. Good riddance, GameSpot!
Sept 2015 – Created my first WordPress blog called “Conquering the Gaming Backlog”
I was blog-less for about 5 years before I decided to start a new one. I guess I missed the routine (post, read other blogs, like, comment, meet cool people, repeat). I also had a pipedream goal of getting paid to write words on a blog one day. Under that somewhat delusional goal, I also decided to go solo instead of being attached to a toxic mainstream gaming website. I tried out Blogspot for a day, and quickly dropped it when I discovered the wonderful WordPress website making company.
In its infancy, Conquering the Gaming Backlog was basically me babbling about video games, and of course Amiibo, with the ultimate goal of beating that backlog monster. So yeah, I reviewed games and talked about cute plastic figures, while tracking how many games I owned and still needed to play.
Feb 2017 – Burnt out and switched up the theme of my website.
I’m sorry. But my video game backlog monster is far too powerful to defeat. In early 2017, I had enough of that theme and was generally self-loath-y about the whole blogging thing. Instead of deleting my website (which I almost did), I updated to a new theme and renamed it LightningEllen’s Release. I basically did the same thing (babble about video games), but it was much more fun with a theme based around my shero, Lightning Farron from the Final Fantasy XIII trilogy.
May 2018 – RIP LightningEllen’s Release
I guess I’m finally at the part of this post where I explain what the hell happened to me (I’m good at stalling, eh?). Well, I’m still not sure so I’ll type through it.
Let’s see. LightningEllen’s Release was booming (thunderstorm pun shockingly unintended). Once I topped 500 followers on Twitter, what should have been a happy accomplishment had the opposite effect on my weird brain. My mind just snapped and I fell into complete self-destruction. I didn’t deserve any of this success or to be a part of such a great community, so I deleted everything and disappeared from everywhere, leaving myself alone to wallow in my own selfish misery.
I know. It doesn’t make any sense. I’ve always hated myself, and I guess I had been feeling down on the whole blogging thing (and life in general) for months. I had jokingly threatened to delete my blog several times, but I guess a part of me was serious. For the record, I love this community and thank you so much to everyone who expressed support when I disappeared. Some of you even tracked me down on other social media platforms. Really… I’m sorry for just door-slamming myself off the internet and thank you all.
The Plan For Livid Lightning
So here I am with a fresh new website and brand! After having spent about a month in relative social media isolation, dammit, I missed this. This blog will most likely turn into exactly what I was doing before (babbling about video games because I wanna be a writer and I like video games a lot). BUT in an effort to prevent future me from deleting this website, I’ve stuck some guidelines and other stuff on the About This Site page (which you should totally check out if you want to). I’ve also sought out professional help for some, um, possible mental health issues (hardest thing to do ever). The most important thing is that this website remains a FUN HOBBY no matter what happens to me in this life (read that very carefully, future me). I swear, I really am my own worst enemy…
I do thankfully have backups of the posts from my old website (great WordPress feature) so I will be re-posting stuff I truly enjoyed writing very soon-ish. At the very least, I’ve come a long way from blogging about Grand Theft Auto San Andres. Right… right??
⚡Thanks for reading!⚡
Wannabe Writer’s Notes:
– Now taking bets on how long it’ll take before I delete this new website and fall off the planet completely… what a crazy ride life is!!
– You know what? I think this post also counts for the Well-Red Mage’s Asking Big Questions 001 community event: What have you learned since you started blogging? Efficiency FTW!!