Hello, World… Again!

Woot! I’m alive!! Sorry to disappoint the internet, but here I am with another website. Wait… I’m getting ahead of myself, as usual. Ahem.

Hello, internet world!

My username is LightningEllen and welcome to my third try at maintaining a blog! They say the third time is the charm and all that, but we’ll see I guess. If you remember me at all, or have heard of me before, you may possibly be thinking “What the hell happened and why did you suddenly disappear and delete your old WordPress blog?”

It’s, um, complicated and sorta hard to explain. Short answer is: I’m really, really good at sabotaging myself when I start to succeed at things. Hm. Perhaps looking into the past first will provide some clearer answers later in this post, so let’s explore my troubled blogging history, shall we?

Hello World 1
Alas, punching the bad feelings doesn’t make them go away. Lightning knows how it goes… ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

LightningEllen’s Blogging History

Sept 2004 – Created a little user blog on GameSpot.com

The much more emotionally unstable 15-year-old me spent her breaks in high school alone in the school’s library. TL;DR version – I was the silent kid that mostly everyone hated on, and all the mean girl bullies attacked me ruthlessly for my entire elementary school career. By the teenage point of my life, I was a sad-angry monster who wanted nothing to do with anyone. I had also been through, like, two near death experiences and barely know my extended family for… reasons (all that messes a kid up, let me tell you).

The silly library dude saw me as an innocent quiet kid (FYI, quiet DOES NOT mean innocent) and didn’t monitor my computer time. Instead of using the internet for school related work (like it was only authorized to be used for) I started a blog on the big video game website GameSpot.com under the username (please, please don’t laugh): gamer_girl15 (sigh… you’re laughing and I know it). As if my old username wasn’t laughable enough, here is my very first blog entry, ever. Oh Maker, this is going be embarrassing but here it is (unedited… please, please keep that in mind):

Post Title: Grand Theft Auto San Andres
Post Date: Sept 7, 2004
Post Content:ย Is it here yet? The game looks so fun I cant wait!!!!! The bulldoser is gonna be so cool!!!! Come on october hurry up and be here!!!

Yup. That was it. Horrible spelling and excessive punctuation aside, it was at least to the point, right? And Grand Theft Auto San Andreas (note the spelling, past me) certainly lived up to my hype and it remains on my Top 13 Games of All-time list. Anyway, my posts quickly evolved, and for the first time ever, I was able to converse with a community of people I could relate to.

Nov 2010 – Last post on the GameSpot user blog.

Looking back, gamer_girl15 was sorta successful. She had nice following of 600+ people, but little did they know the cool gamer chick online was actually an ugly outcast mess offline (and yes, even though I was never interested in romance at any point in my life, I knew that being called gamer_girl15 in a teenage male dominated gamer community would certainly help with the ol’ follower count stat). I took a lot of several month long breaks over the years, but that cool community stayed with me into young adulthood.

What pushed me away completely, and finally, was the toxicity that started taking over the GameSpot community. I gave that website the final door slam when the big fiasco with Carolyn Petit happened. She was the woman who DARED to give Grand Theft Auto V a mere 9 out of 10, and had the nerve to state the game was a tiny bit chauvinistic in her review. The result wasn’t just passing trolls being mean idiots (and gosh, were the trolls ever sent in a frenzy). This was also large groups of enraged alpha males organizing themselves and actually petitioning GameSpot to get her fired. You know, to protect their precious video games from evil feminism and all that. Just… no words to describe how pissed off and horrified I was to see that kind of organized hatred toward a reviewer, just for giving their opinion on a video game.

Note: I did creep back later and noticed GameSpot gave the Wii U version Donkey Kong Tropical Freeze a 6 out of 10 for being “too hard”. Yeah. Good riddance, GameSpot!

Sept 2015 – Created my first WordPress blog called “Conquering the Gaming Backlog”

I was blog-less for about 5 years before I decided to start a new one. I guess I missed the routine (post, read other blogs, like, comment, meet cool people, repeat). I also had a pipedream goal of getting paid to write words on a blog one day. Under that somewhat delusional goal, I also decided to go solo instead of being attached to a toxic mainstream gaming website. I tried out Blogspot for a day, and quickly dropped it when I discovered the wonderful WordPress website making company.

In its infancy, Conquering the Gaming Backlog was basically me babbling about video games, and of course Amiibo, with the ultimate goal of beating that backlog monster. So yeah, I reviewed games and talked about cute plastic figures, while tracking how many games I owned and still needed to play.

Feb 2017 – Burnt out and switched up the theme of my website.

I’m sorry. But my video game backlog monster is far too powerful to defeat. In early 2017, I had enough of that theme and was generally self-loath-y about the whole blogging thing. Instead of deleting my website (which I almost did), I updated to a new theme and renamed it LightningEllen’s Release. I basically did the same thing (babble about video games), but it was much more fun with a theme based around my shero, Lightning Farron from the Final Fantasy XIII trilogy.

May 2018 – RIP LightningEllen’s Release

I guess I’m finally at the part of this post where I explain what the hell happened to me (I’m good at stalling, eh?). Well, I’m still not sure so I’ll type through it.

Let’s see. LightningEllen’s Release was booming (thunderstorm pun shockingly unintended). Once I topped 500 followers on Twitter, what should have been a happy accomplishment had the opposite effect on my weird brain. My mind just snapped and I fell into complete self-destruction. I didn’t deserve any of this success or to be a part of such a great community, so I deleted everything and disappeared from everywhere, leaving myself alone to wallow in my own selfish misery.

I know. It doesn’t make any sense. I’ve always hated myself, and I guess I had been feeling down on the whole blogging thing (and life in general) for months. I had jokingly threatened to delete my blog several times, but I guess a part of me was serious. For the record, I love this community and thank you so much to everyone who expressed support when I disappeared. Some of you even tracked me down on other social media platforms. Really… I’m sorry for just door-slamming myself off the internet and thank you all.

The Plan For Livid Lightning

So here I am with a fresh new website and brand! After having spent about a month in relative social media isolation, dammit, I missed this. This blog will most likely turn into exactly what I was doing before (babbling about video games because I wanna be a writer and I like video games a lot). BUT in an effort to prevent future me from deleting this website, I’ve stuck some guidelines and other stuff on the About This Site page (which you should totally check out if you want to). I’ve also sought out professional help for some, um, possible mental health issues (hardest thing to do ever). The most important thing is that this website remains a FUN HOBBY no matter what happens to me in this life (read that very carefully, future me). I swear, I really am my own worst enemy…

I do thankfully have backups of the posts from my old website (great WordPress feature) so I will be re-posting stuff I truly enjoyed writing very soon-ish. At the very least, I’ve come a long way from blogging about Grand Theft Auto San Andres. Right… right??

โšกThanks for reading!โšก


Wannabe Writer’s Notes:
– Now taking bets on how long it’ll take before I delete this new website and fall off the planet completely… what a crazy ride life is!!
– You know what? I think this post also counts for the Well-Red Mage’s Asking Big Questions 001 community event: What have you learned since you started blogging?ย Efficiency FTW!!

Published by

LightningEllen

I'm a wannabe writer and an avid video gamer with a slight (okay, maybe extreme) Amiibo addiction. I'm from the coastal province of Nova Scotia in Canada, eh. When I'm not gaming, I have a steady job thing I have to go to. It pays for the gaming thing though. :)

79 thoughts on “Hello, World… Again!”

  1. Wow โ€“ thatโ€™s quite a tale! Wish I could leave some amazingly inspiring quip that made everything better but amazingly prob canโ€™t live up to that premise.

    Welcome back โ€“ glad youโ€™re back, glad youโ€™re feeling better and serious props to you for posting about this. There will be someone out there in a bad place who reads this and feels a little less alone.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. So glad to have you back. Catchy new title, by the way – gotta love alliteration!
    I’m glad to hear that you’ve sought help for your mental health struggles. While I personally have never experienced it, I have multiple family members, friends, and clients at work who have and so I’ve seen how difficult it can be. Navigating the bureaucracy of appointments and insurance while struggling against your own mind…it’s tough. I hope that journey proves fruitful for you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I do have alliteration addiction, not gonna lie ๐Ÿ˜€

      Thank you! It has been a bit of a pain dealing with the medical system here. It’s very sad that bureaucracies become obstacles in difficult health situations.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Welcome back, madam, fret yee not about the previous blog. I wondered if that’s what happened, although I also thought you might have been abducted by aliens. But as it wasn’t aliens, we shall wave merrily at you again.
    Two things: Firstly – Y’oreet, luv? Secondly, I’m still waiting on your Ori and Blind Forest review!!!!!!! You should also really play Celeste, that’s a positive mental health game, really, more than anything. Proper reet good and a good lift for anyone in need of one.
    Or, you know, drink some tea. That’s what I do. And drum.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. You deserve all the support! I seem to remember writing a whole blog post about how awesome you are so you must be pretty awesome and such a big part of this community. I’m here to support you and look forward to reading all your wonderful posts.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Ello, old friend! That’s quite a tale, isn’t it? Welcome back and glad to see that you’re back with some few upgrades ( Been playing way too many RPG’s.). It looks great also a catchy title that draws your eye and I’m glad to hear that you’re feeling better. There’s nothing wrong with reaching for help if you ever need it. Welcome back!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Welcome back Light! I’m glad you’re back and that you’re feeling much better. If anyone around here deserves success and to be a part of this amazing community, it’s you, y’know? I mean, truthfully you were the first friend I made on this platform and it’s through you that I was introduced to so many wonderful bloggers on the community!
    Again, I’m glad your back and on your way to finding the light. Once you grab it, don’t ever lose sight of it, as Cloud would say :D.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, my friend! I’m so glad you’re a part of this awesome community. Coffee for the win!!

      You seriously need to let me know the minute you finish your FFVII/Sonic crossover fanfiction… ๐Ÿ˜

      Like

  6. Whoa, donโ€™t show the GameSpot community my review of The Last of Us; theyโ€™ll have a stroke. I heard they were pretty dire, though that they gave Carolyn Petit heat for giving Grand Theft Auto a 9/10 seems to confirm it. What a bunch of lightweights. Then again, I also heard the critical circle on that site is rather wishy-washy, so honestly, Iโ€™m surprised you posted there regularly for as long as you did.

    But seriously, Iโ€™m really sorry to hear that you felt you didnโ€™t deserve your success. Youโ€™re better than you think you are, and I look forward to reading your new posts.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Dude, if the GameSpot community ever sees your superb Last of Us review, let me know! I’ll revisit the site with a bucket of popcorn just to watch the show, haha.

      Thank you! And also thanks for following my new blog ๐Ÿ˜

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Itโ€™s really good to see you back, Lightning Ellen. Honestly too, Iโ€™m proud of you for seeking out some help. Itโ€™s hard to hear about the things youโ€™ve gone through, even harder to go through it, I imagine, and I hope that this great WordPress community is there for you when you need us! It was cool to hear your story and your adventure, but more importantly, itโ€™s nice to see your corner of the internet back to electrify again!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I can’t wait to see what you post! I am glad that you are getting help and that you are trying to start blogging again. Know that the blogging community here supports you and we wish you well!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Excellent, youโ€™re back! ๐Ÿ˜ Reading about your teenage blog made me smile because it reminded me how bad my own teenage blog was.. I mean, seriously angsty and cringey!

    Itโ€™s great to see you again, and getting the balance between this being fun and not fun is actually much harder than it looks, but also super important. Looking forward to seeing new stuff!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Welcome back Ms. Lightning! ๐Ÿ™‚ I also said this on a reply to a comment you left on my blog post, but I was worried about you when you suddenly disappeared! I was trying to figure out a way to contact you without being a stalker haha! I’m glad you are working through stuff… and just know that you are never alone! You have a lot of people that care about you here ๐Ÿ™‚
    Also, I love your very first blog post haha! Those posts are fun to look back on, I’m sure!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! ๐Ÿ˜€ Aw. I appreciate the concern a lot and sorry for just disappearing. That’s what I do when I get in a bad head space ๐Ÿ˜ฆ I should totally post the rest of my teenage blog someday, haha.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Well… welcome back! I’m starting to see your blog as a game within itself, out maneuvering all the companies that create games, and the games themselves. I luv it!
    Nice new theme that works great, and it’s still you and that’s what counts. Just have fun here! โค

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Glad to have you back! As for seeking help for mental health issues, it can literally change your life, as it did mine. Plenty of others out there who have similar struggles, so as hard as it is to believe sometimes, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Take care of yourself, and try not to be hard on yourself about blogging and everything else!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! I’m glad you got some help for your issues and I can’t express how much I appreciate all the support people have shown. This WordPress blogging community is so awesome!!

      Like

  13. Great to see you back gamer_girl15! How dare that person give GTA only a nine? The game deserves a ten just for having a bulldozer! Haha, seriously though I can relate to the whole self destruction thing. Years ago I deleted a YouTube channel that was way more popular than my blog ever was. You should be proud of your accomplishments. Heck, your GameSpot blog alone had pretty much the same number of readers that my site does.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. gamer_girl15… that username *shudders* ๐Ÿ™‚

      I know right?? It’s a crime to call any GTA game less than perfect. Thank you! Sorry you had a self-destruction too. The end of something can always be the beginning of something new, at least!

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Welcome back! I see that you’ve got actual Lightning in the background to compliment Lightning herself this time around ๐Ÿ™‚ I hope you have a lot of fun with this blog. At the end of the day games and writing are some things that you enjoy so as long as those things stay constant it should work out. Just never feel pressured to keep on writing if you need a break for the day or just want to do something else. Lately I’ve been hooked on Fortnite and have been spending time there instead of the blog, but no regrets!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks! I do love all types of Lightning, haha. Writing and gaming is all about the fun! I think I lost sight of that and I’m going to focus of having fun with this blog. ๐Ÿ™‚ Have fun with Fortnite!!

      Liked by 1 person

  15. I’m so absolutely happy you’re back Lightning! Thank you so much for sharing your story. I admire your honesty and vulnerability, and I’ve always respected you, so I definitely noticed when you were gone and overjoyed when you returned. (just like Lightning does!) I value the thoughts only you could provide on Lightning, amiibo, and life. As someone who had a tough social life growing up (sadly, with bullies) and feels burnt out here and there, I can relate. I just want you to know, that regardless of which site, you’re an important person, and I’m happy to have you as a friend! And I must say, your new site looks ELECTRIFYING!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for the support and for following my new site!! I’m honored to say you are my 50th follower ๐Ÿ˜(WordPress gave me an achievement, haha)

      I love watching your videos, reading your reviews, and of course discussing the importance of Amiibo with you, haha. Keep being awesome, my panda friend!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Awww Iโ€™m incredibly honored to be your 50th follower!!! ๐Ÿ˜„ Congratulations on your achievement! Thank you so very much for your consistent support and encouragement! It always means a lot to me!!

        Liked by 1 person

  16. At the risk of piling on the overwhelmingness, I’m glad to see you back. Depression, anxiety, all those things where your brain turns against you, horrible to deal with. I’m glad you’ve found a space of light on that.

    And if you want any advice on not being too successful this time around, let me know. I’m an expert.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for finding me and following me again! ๐Ÿ™‚ Yep. Those things are definitely rough.

      Not being successful doesn’t seem like something you’re good at, haha. Wait… did the sentence make sense? You are awesome at the blogging thing.

      Liked by 1 person

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